John McCain vs. Ageism

As we enter this fall's presidential race, there is an unfortunate likelihood that we will encounter prejudice from some. However, the prejudice will not be as one-sided as one would imagine. Certainly Obama's status as the first legitimate African-American contender places him at the center of a bigot's ire, but his counterpart will experience his own form of -ism. John McCain is running for the most demanding job in the world at age 71. Only two other presidents have been elected in the latter half of their 60's. Ronald Reagan, was 69 when he took the office, and William Henry Harrison, a sprite 68 in 1841. While Obama will likely see most of his prejudice in subtle terms, McCain faces a potentially vociferous bias. Part of the reason is constitutional, in 1976 the Supreme Court ruled in Massachusetts Board of Retirement v. Murgia, that age discrimination does not amount to a suspect class. This meant that ageism did not deserve the same strict protections under the Equal Protection clause that race, religion and national orgin did. Part of this seems unfair, one should not be disadvantaged or treated unfairly for something they have no control over. However, there is a reality to aging, none can deny that facilities fade as time passes by. Much of the ageism directed at McCain is largely cruel and unwarranted. Everyone ages differently, McCain had 6 years of his life stolen from him and seems to show no sign of slowing down. It is blissful ignorance to hope this election season will feature little noise about age bias, perhaps it would be helpful to remember the vices of a particularly young ex-president. Bill Clinton was a ruby cheeked 46 when he took the office, and we all know he wasn't done sowing his wild oats.

Old School Conservation

One of the most crucial issues facing our country is consumption. Every day we are reminded that our environment cannot sustain our rapid growth and bad habits. Despite the unfortunate politicization of global warming/climate change, few can argue that "going green" isn't in our best interest. However, at times it seems like the tone of the environmental movement has been misguided. People have been scared into thinking "going green" is a new type of lifestyle; hybrid cars, organic food, and yoga. Those over the age of 40 feel left behind already by the internet, add environmental consciousness to the mix and you have a generation gap the size of polar ice caps. For starters, much of what we need to change doesn't involve doing new things at all, but rather a return to our past. The generation of Americans that grew up in the shadow of the Depression, and ultimately became The Greatest Generation, actually knew a thing or two about conservation. They grew up hearing a litany of reminders from their mothers, "turn off the lights when you leave the room, turn off the water when you brush your teeth, only 1 hour of T.V. time per day, only take what you need." This type of Ward Cleaver conscientiousness will go a lot further towards reducing our global footprint that the latest eco-fad. The hipness of "going green" is part of the problem, often trends begin with great enthusiasm, and all too often falter under the weight of their own failed expectations. In today's instant gratification society, it is easy to see a moment in the near future when environmentalism loses it cachet. This is by no means an attempt to trivialize or minimize the significance and importance of changing our national habits, but merely an attempt to understand why so many talk the the talk, but so few walk the walk.

A major problem for the broad based environmental movement is the apparent outstanding issues in alternative energy. The rush to ethanol as a national panacea has faded in the dim reality of cost. Simply put, it is not creating an energy profit. As Mr. Wall Street Fighter succintly states, " It take 7.3 pounds of soybean oil to make 1 gallon of ethanol. And it's how much per pound, 63 cents? Add in processing cost..." Adding to the problem is the question of what happens when you use all your food to make fuel? Our national attention span will not tolerate failures. However, it would be a tremendous mistake to discount the viability of biofuels. Brazil has shown the world that sugarcane can power a large nation, but their success did not come overnight. It took the better part of a decade, a luxury our procrastination no longer affords us. With gas prices rising, along with practically everything else, the urgency is palpable. But another Cleaverism proves telling again, "haste makes waste." In our hurry to become self sustainable we might have taken a wrong turn. We must not let "going green" become a fading fad, but rather we must instill those Depression era fears in our youth. Sometimes the fear of losing it all brings out the best in people.

On the road again

Utah's moving south, be back online in a week.

Globalization of the empty stomach

Obama's recent speech in Miami regarding the future of U.S.-Cuba relations has raised the ire of Hispaniola's most famous resident. Obama advocated for keeping the Embargo, yet allowing for familial remittances to be sent back to the island. He also favored lifting the travel restrictions, however remained firm on the need for the Embargo. Fidel of course took umbrage with the speech, but considers Obama, "the most progressive candidate." Throughout his editorial, Castro pointed out several hypocrisies in Obama's call for a continued embargo, despite being diplomatically open-minded otherwise. One thing is clear, conservatives and liberals alike would prefer a free Cuba, certainly for different reasons, but in the best interest of both.

The Girls from Ipanema

Pictured above is the ultimate triumvirate of Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, and Izabel Goulart. All Brazilian Victoria's Secret Models, each further reinforces every American boy's assumptions about Ipanema Beach. Goulart is the most recent addition to the dream team, signing with Victoria's Secret in 2006. Welcome to my mailbox Izabel.

Saul Alinsky and the 2008 Democratic Party

Beginning in the 1930's and continuing until his death in 1972, Saul Alinsky brought news ideas to the political process. Known for creating the model form of "community organization," Alinsky's grass roots approach remains influential today. Both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have outlined part of their political organizational tactics based on Alinsky's model. Once a state secret, it has recently been revealed that Hillary's senior thesis at Wellesley College was an analysis of the Alinsky model. The political sensitivity of Alinsky association stems in large part from his book, "Rules for Radicals," which served as the how-to-guide for 1960's activism. Democrats struggle with the G.O.P.'s stranglehold on the conservative pulse of the nation, Alinsky fodder only serves to reinforce the ideological separation. In comparison, Alinsky's influence on Hillary pales to that of Obama. Alinsky once offered a job to Hillary, one she turned down to pursue a law degree. Obama, however began his career as a community organizer under an umbrella organization of Alinsky's. Since deceased, Alinsky's work continued as political organizations use his methods of one-on-one interviews with the intention of sparking the activism within as a primary method of engagement. In the coming weeks the conservative media will pin the Alinsky label on Obama in attempts to reveal his liberal beliefs. However it seems that much of the haranguing over Alinsky's influence is misguided. It is his methods of organization and networking that have influenced Obama and Hillary, not his politics.

While I was reading Beckett Magazine, others read Rushdie

Though personally 1988 brings back memories of Topps, Happy Meals and bike rides, in retrospect it seems to be a year that marked a shift in world hegemony. Though the Berlin Wall remained standing, Communism had lost the ideological and military momentum it once enjoyed. America looked toward the millennium as a peerless world power, one capable of shaping its own future. Three specific events in 1988 hinted at the beginning of a new world order. After 9 years of fruitless struggle Vietnam-style, the Soviet Army pulled out of Afghanistan. A strangle site for Cold War wrangling, the USSR backed Marxist government faced guerrilla warfare from the U.S. supported mujahideen. After Soviet forces withdrew, Afghanistan endured a 3 year civil war until mujahideen groups took power in 1992. This turned out to be anything but an American victory as the unrest in Afghanistan continues to threaten U.S. interests. From this trial, hopefully the U.S. has learned that geo-politics is more than good versus evil. In seeking to extinguish what we believed was the ultimate evil at the time, communism, we planted the seeds for tribal-led fundamentalism.


The next event to shape America's future in 1988 was the July 3 Iran Air Flight 655, shot down by the U.S.S. Vincennes. Mistaken for an attacking military plane, the civilian aircraft was hit by guided missiles killing all 290 on board. The Iranian government disputes this explanation to this day, and many Iranians hold the U.S. in contempt for this reason, among others. The Vincennes was in the area as a support vessel during the ongoing Iran-Iraq war. Began in 1980, the border skirmish between unfriendly neighbors lasted until 1988. Despite losing 37 by Iraqi plane attack, the U.S. remained focused on Iran. The civilians deaths prompted Iran to back off and eventually the conflict rested. Despite the resolution; anger and resentment in Iran continued to sear the populace with anti-Western beliefs.

Also in 1988, Indian-British writer Salman Rushdie published his novel, "The Satanic Verses." The book weaves an intriguing present-day story into the early historical accounts of Muhammad and his retracted "satanic verses." History claims Muhammed was tricked by Satan into scripting verses of the Qur'an that praise pagan goddesses. Taken as an affront on the holiness of Muhammed, the Muslim world quickly reacted angrily. Banned in India, and protested all over, the Iranian government went as far as to issue a "fatwa" calling for Rushdie's head. Since redacted, and then re-instituted, Rushdie has good reason to fear the fatwa; both the Japanese and Italian translators were killed for their contributions. The sensitivity and passion of the Muslim community should have been readily apparent following the Satanic Verses uproar, however it seems to be a forgotten story.

Rushdie's fourth wife, and now ex, Padma Lakshmi. The Indian model and cookbook author currently hosts "Top Chef."

Numero Uno Beefcake

Gay pornography, marijuana, and steroids, not exactly the calling card for many Republicans. Even the Log Cabin Republicans toe the party line and abstain from advocating anything illegal. Even though not advocating, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's past dabbles in all three raise questions about the values of the Republican Party. The charges of gay porn and reefer are slightly overblown, but not without merit. Struggling in the late 70's to break into the entertainment industry, Arnold posed nude for gay magazine "After Dark." Hardly a crime in itself, it nonetheless rankles to know a man who once titillated gays, now works for a Party that condemns the lifestyle. To his credit, Arnold fesses up to inhaling, and oddly seems to working against the conservative mantra of "Just say No." Past indiscretions aside, it's his use of the juice to propel himself to international stardom that should concern one the most. In 1968 a young Arnold reached America with one goal in mind, becoming Mr. Olympia. After winning 6 titles, Arnold retired as an icon. Achieving the pinnacle of the bodybuilding world, Arnold would use this as a springboard for a future career in acting. As we all know, acting went well for Arnold, so well, he parlayed his notoriety into a successful political career. In hindsight, one realizes Arnold, facing long odds as an immigrant, surely would not have achieved such astounding success without his bodybuilding victories. Given his admission of steroid use, Arnold's achievements seem tainted. Worse than a ballplayer who uses 'roids to improve, Arnold's career would not have existed without outside help. It is sadly ironic that the Mitchell Report, commissioned to clean up baseball, failed to mention the poster child for early performance enhancing drugs. The Republican Party, long on morals and short on memory, apparently failed to make the connection between Arnold's career path and it's own identity. Arnold even violated a few immigration laws, another source of G.O.P. stiffness. Given the irony of these facts, try and hold your breath when the Obama drug use attack ads begin to spin.

Utah's Guide to Summer Style

Memorial Day weekend is a time for remembrance, barbecues and camaraderie, and for most of the country, a time to dust off last year's swimwear. When venturing out this summer gentlemen, remember the tips Utah has learned after a few years on the coast.
Rule #1: No Banana Hammocks: Even if you're cut like a young Arnold, this suit does nothing but embarrass you and all those you encounter.

Rule #2: Remember the Zubaz: Whenever you are picking out your styling gear for an afternoon at the beachside bar, don't forget about your predecessors in interest. Zubaz might have rocked back in the day, but take a hard look at yourself and see if you're wearing a post-millennium version right now.

Rule #3: Cover up the bad tattoos: The above example is hardly an example of one that needs covering, but too good to pass up. Most bad tattoos can be summed up thusly, unoriginal design, unoriginal place.

Coveted Intangibles in College Football

The beauty of college football is that there are many different recipes for success. Some are a creature of circumstance, others are the result of conscious creation. The common denominator is that successful programs find an angle and pursue it to their advantage. These attributes, reputations, and innovations are then widely imitated once their brilliance is revealed. Here are some of college football's most coveted intangibles.

Notre Dame Tradition: Once could fill a Golden Dome with it, Knute Rockne, The Four Horseman, Win One for the Gipper, The Golden Boy, Rudy, Touchdown Jesus and more. Notre Dame's early national exposure continues to directly benefit the program today. Many programs have been around just as long, and even won more games, but Notre Dame still corners the market on college football tradition. Others have legitimate traditions of their own, but few command the advantage in recruiting, fan loyalty, and exposure that stems from the storied past of the Irish.

Miami Hurricanes Speed, Swagger, and Pro-Style Offenses: Beginning with Howard Schnellenberger in the early 80's and flourishing under Jimmy Johnson, the Hurricanes introduced a new brand of football to ABC Saturdays. Most telling was the unparalleled team speed that produced immediate sustained success for a once moribund program. High school safeties and running backs were converted to linebackers and former linebackers turned into fearsome rush ends. The Canes also innovated on offense, after Schnellenberger installed a Pro-Style passing attack that made stars out of Jim Kelly, Bernie Kosar, Vinny Testaverde, Steve Walsh, and more recently Gino Torretta and Ken Dorsey. However it is their controversial use of intimidation and swagger that turned the college football on its ear. Once universally staid, college football had never before seem the taunting, celebrating and emotion of the Canes. Unquestionably an advantage after setting the longest home winning streak in NCAA history , the Canes have been mimicked by others, but never matched. Most notably FSU employed faster players and Pro-Style with success, but 5 national championships to 2, proves the indomitable advantage enjoyed by the "U."

Florida Gators Innovation: Ever since Bear Bryant famously referred to the Gators as a "sleeping giant," they have awoken. From it's athletic department to offenses, the Gators have done things their way and had astounding success. Beginning with Gatorade, and continuing with text messaging Urban Meyer, the Gators have been ahead of the curve. Relying on organized and generous alumni and booster groups, the UF Athletic Department is well funded and the results have shown. Simultaneous football and basketball championships are no fluke, the Gators are a marvel of innovation and commitment.

Nebraska Power: Ever since Nebraska became the first athletic department to have a full time strength coach in 1969, the Huskers have been synonymous with muscle. For nearly 40 years Boyd Epley took chubby farm boys and turned them into linebacker mauling monsters, paving the way for legions of fleet backs. The Huskers were among the first to have a state-of-the-art weight training facilities and the dedication has paid off. Once perennially among the NCAA leaders in team rushing, the Huskers have since abandoned this one-time advantage and suffered as a result. Other programs caught up quickly, but up to the late 90's the Big Red maintained a reputation for producing physically imposing teams. Returning to their strong suit would go along towards pointing Nebraska in the right direction.

Virginia Tech's Grassroots Growth: Since Frank Beamer took over in 1987, the Hokies have clawed their way to the upper echelon of college football. Largely through persistence and grit, VA Tech stands as a model of the meritocracy that is college football. Once a loser, Beamer turned the Hokies around by building fan loyalty and creating the culture of "Beamerball." Other hard luck teams have had more stunning turnarounds, Northwestern in 1995, and similar successes, Kansas State, but none have made the total transformation to perennial juggernaut. By paying attention to details, and instilling a blue-collar work ethic, Beamer and the Hokies are an example of a school elbowing its way to the head table.

Southern Cal Glamour: USC has glamour of both old school and new school appeal. Once buoyed by the beauty of cheerleaders in tight sweaters, and the majesty of their noble steed Traveler, the Trojans have recently updated their allure. Beginning with Pete Carroll's hiring in 2001, USC has set the standard for the modern program. First and foremost, Carroll represents a new breed of coaches far removed from the gruffness of Woody Hayes and the like. Gregarious, outgoing, and youthful, Pete Carroll has infused his personality into the program. No wonder the recruiting hauls keep coming, having a coach as the current benchmark of the "player's coach," makes for easy fishing. USC benefits from the absence of a local NFL team to compete for weekend headlines and as a result, stars like Matt Leinart, and Reggie Bush have furthered the allure of the Trojans. All of this adds up to a team that will continue to roll thanks to national exposure courtesy of old school glamour and Pete Carroll's appeal.

The First Arab-American War

At the dawn of the 19th century, a young and growing United States was quickly becoming a leader in transatlantic shipping. Southern plantations churned out tobacco, cotton and sugar thanks to ample land, and a burgeoning slave trade. Before asserting its independence from the Crown, these exports sailed under the watchful eye of the British Navy. Now alone, yet undaunted, U.S. ships took the treacherous voyages at the mercy of the high seas. As the trade routes reached the Mediterranean, American ships came under attack from the Barbary pirates. Left over from the Crusades, the Barbary pirates were a feared navy of Muslims that called the shores of North Africa home. Attacking all Christian ships, the pirates soon made life miserable for 3rd President Thomas Jefferson. In July of 1803, Jefferson, fed up with mounting losses, ordered the U.S.S. Philadelphia to restore order in the Mediterranean. Initially successful in recapturing an American vessel, the Philadelphia soon ran aground off the coast of Tripoli and was surrendered. Not wanting the spoils of war to be used against them, Lieutenant Stephen Decatur, Jr., led a group of men to the grounded ship and set it afire in the Tripoli Harbor. Occurring in 1806, the loss of the Philadelphia was only the end of the first act. The Second Barbary War lasted until 1815, when at last American ships could safely travel the southern Atlantic shores at the mouth of the Straight of Gibraltar. Free of piracy and tribute payments, the American agrarian export economy flourished until cotton was no longer king.

U.S.S. Philadelphia afire off the coast of Tripoli

Obama's Heavyweight Bouts

As Barack Obama’s nomination seems increasingly likely, one would assume the political tensions that have simmered for so long would take a respite. No chance. The rested and restless Republican Party is now ratcheted up its quadrennial attack on another DNC foe. Despite having endured Team Clinton, Obama now faces the trickier and more powerful foe, the Republican Machine. After two Republican triumphs in each Bush election, the reputation of Karl Rove and his minions for outstanding work was burnished. Surely each election was unique, the GOP needed the Supreme Court’s nod in 2000, and the Swift Boat nastiness in 2004. But in each case, it was the organization and resources of the Republican Party that ultimately deserve the credit for each triumph. Despite the possible balkanization of the Dems after Hillary’s extended attempt, 2008 seems to signal the beginning of a level playing field. The Democratic Party has demonstrated better fundraising, organization, and buzz in the last year, unseen since Bubba caught fire in 1992.

Things are heating up

Though formidable in their own right, and braced for a fight, Obama and his Party face a dangerous opponent. As the Swift Boat Veterans proved, well funded special interest groups can alter the course of a national election. Political science has never been so technical, voting districts and polling numbers can be crunched and analyzed in endless ways. By carefully targeting their message, groups can achieve maximum impact in crucial districts. This tactic was renewed this weekend when South Floridians opened their Thursday papers. As Obama stopped by Palm Beach, Broward, and Dade counties for a 3 day swing, the Republican machine stepped up to the plate.
A full page ad by the Republican Jewish Coalition took a strong stance against Obama for his alleged softness for Palestinian plight. The ad goes on to question Obama’s belief in unconditional sit downs with world leaders, friend and foe. With pinpoint precision, the GOP special interests groups have selected an essential target. South Florida is a crucial battleground for Florida’s 25 Electoral College votes. More specifically, it is the home of several groups of voters with unique concerns. Maintaining America’s largest Jewish and Cuban Diasporas, South Florida will undoubtedly influence the course of the next election. Obama’s speech about Cuba and his future plans for the island on Friday will likely go a long way to converting some of the often loyal Cuban GOPists. However, the Jewish population seems to be a tougher audience. Other battlegrounds remain crucial to the outcome of the election, but few feature a trickier, more multinational populace than South Florida. The attacks will get dirty and personal, but this time the Dems won't get caught with their pants down. More savvy this time, the attacks will fly both ways as the fall draws near. Voters will have to navigate a sea of sharks and jellyfish, hopefully the policy issues stay above the fray, and not disguised by attack ads.

Beanball or wild pitch?

May 24, 1941

Happy 67th birthday Robert Zimmerman

His lyrics from "Talkin World War III Blues" speak of today's climate as well:

"All the people can be half right some of the time,
Some of the people can be all right part of the time.
But all the people can't be all right all the time.
Abraham Lincoln said that.
I'll let you be in my dream, if I can be in yours,
I said that."

The actual quote attributed to Lincoln is: "You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time."

Memorial Day Weekend kicks off with ladies in white

Kristen Cavalieri

Brooke Burke

Halle Berry

Alessandra Ambrosio

Toucan Sam

The national bird of Belize? None other than the Keel-Billed Toucan. Consisting of a diet largely made up of fresh fruit, Kellogg's made a wise pick. Launched in 1963, perhaps the catchy phonetic spelling was the beginning of today's spelling and grammatical travesties in advertising. If Kelloggs were introducing Apple Jacks today, you can be certain it would be Jax. Apparently there's a term for this intentional word manipulation, metaplasm?

He was sensitve to the word "bald"

In 1782, the Continental Congress set out to cast an identity for the newly independent United States. For a national emblem, the Congress chose the bald eagle to portray the size, strength, and majestic beauty of their new nation. Depicted with its wings spread, and talons clutching an olive branch and 13 arrows, the eagle casts an imposing symbol on our money and Great Seal.
Apparently not everyone thought the bald eagle was the appropriate symbol of the United States. In a letter written in 1784 to his daughter, Benjamin Franklin dissents:

"I wish that the bald eagle had not been chosen as the representative of our country, he is a bird of bad moral character, he does not get his living honestly, you may have seen him perched on some dead tree, where, too lazy to fish for himself, he watches the labor of the fishing-hawk, and when that diligent bird has at length taken a fish, and is bearing it to its nest for the support of his mate and young ones, the bald eagle pursues him and takes it from him.... Besides he is a rank coward; the little kingbird, not bigger than a sparrow attacks him boldly and drives him out of the district. He is therefore by no means a proper emblem for the brave and honest. . . of America.. . . For a truth, the turkey is in comparison a much more respectable bird, and withal a true original native of America . . . a bird of courage, and would not hesitate to attack a grenadier of the British guards, who should presume to invade his farmyard with a red coat on."

In terms of predatory behavior, Franklin is mostly right on describing eagle's methods. Eagles are carrion eaters, yet also scoop fish out of lakes and large rivers on their own merit. They have been known for stealing another's lunch, giving them the unsavory reputation Franklin complains of. However eagles and wild turkeys are natural residents of North America, so his nativity argument is weak. Other differences between the birds make the turkey less appealing as our national symbol. The immediate pro for the eagle is its commanding presence and imposing size. The clucking and waddling turkey seems docile in comparison. Turkeys are simple omnivore foragers, so their eating habits add little symbolic presence to counteract the image of a swift strike by an eagle. Juxtaposing their ability to fly is one physical attribute that the turkey measures up favorably. Wild turkeys have a quick trigger to flight and can reach 50 mph. Whereas the eagle, easily visualized soaring mightily, often only reaches 45 MPH in the air. Sexually the eagle mates the old fashioned way, males fly home to impress the ladies with calls, and displays of physical prowess. The turkey's sexual appetite is decidedly less appealing, while they do strut their stuff, they are avid polygamists. Managing a few mates at once, the turkey is a better symbol of the early Mormon church and it's current nutty sects in the Southwest.

Constitutional Candidates?

If the Democratic and Republican nominations play out as expected, this fall will feature two candidates on the opposite end of the identity spectrum. John McCain, longtime Senator, former P.O.W., will headline the Republican ticket and push the party's agendas of promoting security abroad, and conservative social policies at home. It appears that Barack Obama will headline the Dems, his platform will feature promises of change, social and economic progress, and hope. One delicious irony of this Presidential race will be the fact that one candidate was born in the United States, and one was not. One would likely guess the foreign-born as Obama, the one who grew up in Indonesia. However, he is not. Obama was born in Hawaii, spent much of his youth in Southeast Asia, and returned to the island state for high school. Despite his time abroad, Obama is unquestionably a constitutionally sufficient candidate. Article II of the Constitution plainly reads: "No person except a natural born citizen, or a citizen of the United States, at the time of the adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the office of President." This certainty cannot be extended to McCain. Born during his father's deployment in the Panama Canal Zone in 1936, John McCain is not a natural born citizen. Despite this technicality, and lack of precedent, McCain is unlikely to face a constitutional challenge to his candidacy. It would be a callous distinction, and one that would undermine the sacrifice given by those in the armed forces stationed abroad. However, it serves as a reminder, one should not be judged where they came from, but rather what they have become.

The Panama Canal was opened in 1914 and remained under U.S. control until December 31, 1999. After WWII, Panamanians began to assert their right for autonomous control of the Panama Canal Zone. Under the 1977 agreement made by President Jimmy Carter, the canal was ceded to Panama, with the understanding of an equal right of access.

Shaved Domes and Beards must be "in"

Rick Ross

Suge Knight

Kimbo Slice

What's the cushiest job in sports?

NFL punters live the good life. True they lack the glory and pop appeal of QB's or even LB's, they also lack the crippling injuries as well. The punter's job is even easier than other members of the special teams unit. High pressure situations are the norm for kickers and long snappers, whereas punters often have the luxury of punting towards a 60-yard-wide target. Punters have easy training camps, little fear of getting jacked up, and less pads to put in their pants. Life is good for the decent punter.

The Designated Hitter position is every selfish kid's dream. Whether it be kickball, Wiffleball, or baseball, hitting is pure fun. MLBers like Papi get to sit around the dugout for a few hours and take a few practice hacks every now and then. About every 30 minutes you get to bat, but never have to run out to the field afterwards. Unlike punters, the DH offers ample opportunity for glory, and a likelihood of being one the highest paid players on the team. However much of what makes punting appealing applies to DH, minimized risk of injury, along with a diminished need for physical exertion.

Wonderful

Lynda Carter

People I don't understand

Traffic report reporters. Do people watch T.V. at work? No. Are traffic reports for people leaving work? Yes. What is Bob the businessesman supposed to do? He could call home, ask someone to turn on the tube and check the traffic news. Or he could just leave work, taking the same route home as every other day.
Door to door religious advocates. Whether Mormon, Jehovah's Witnesses, or others, when you hear the knock and open the door to several smiling faces, it's never a good thing. The success rate must be rather low, and the level of rudeness must be high. Much as they are not interested in hearing my religious beliefs, I am not interested in hearing theirs.

Zealots and Fundamentalists. Does advocating in the above manner actually help one's cause? A gay computer scientist from WWII helped create the early computer, and that makes all computers homo devil machines. If it ever became clear that Johann Gutenburg was gay, this lady would be screwed.
Sports fans that don't own a mirror. This could be a gentleman from a number of schools, imagining Bama gear over this Sooner instead proves the point. Sports fans can dress like Tony Romo can sing.

College Football Unplugged

In recent college football history, a handful of offensive players can be described as having been truly "electric." In 1998 and '99, Peter Warrick was a homerun threat, that Mark Richt ingeniously figured out ways to get the ball to. Whether it was direct snaps, reverses, or bombs from Weinke, Peter Warrick was nearly unstoppable. Selected 4th by the Bengals in 2000, Warrick never found success in the NFL. Gone was the burst, sharp cuts and electricity.

The next player to dazzle like Peter Warrick was Reggie Bush. For two seasons, Bush ran around, behind, and past defenses with lightening quickness. Just like Warrick, once in open space, Bush was impossible to corral. However, Bush has met the same troubles in the NFL as Warrick. Unable to get loose, Bush has been a disappointment thus far for the Saints. Moments of brilliance overshadowed the early slow returns, but 581 yards rushing in 2008 was a wake up call. Why is it that two of the more brilliant college football players in the last decade have been unable to transition to the NFL? Certainly defensive speed is an issue, is the speed differential just enough to close those tiny gaps these speedsters used to squeeze through? Countless highlights show Warrick and Bush creating a sliver of daylight with a hip waggle and head fake. NFL linebackers are presumably better fundamentally than college ones, coached to watch the belt. The moves that once produced awe, now produce losses behind the line of scrimmage.

Of course there are others that deserve this label of "electric." Devin Hester's proficiency for big plays has made him the most feared returner in the league. How come Hester's speed, moves and fakes translate to the NFL, but Warrick's and Bush's does not? Hester has the luxury of open space when he gets the ball in punt returns, and not coincidentally, punt returns were the one bright spot in Warrick's NFL career. Where does this collegiate electricity go? Like a fire that gets snuffed out without air, these playmakers suffocate in the claustrophobic field of NFL play.

Financial pinches lead to willing snitches

The economic wizard behind Wallstreetfighter.com has some interesting analysis of the money behind snitching. The New York Times recently noted that as the economy lags along, calls to crime tip hotlines have gone up. Don't quit your day job though, first off you have to be somewhat of a lowlife to know there whereabouts of many criminals, and to make $700 a week, you are going to have to net 3 arrests a week. Not easy work, with plenty of job-related hazards.

Deliberations on Urination

Nearly 6 years after being indicted, R. Kelly's criminal trial for soliciting a minor for child pornography begins today. A 12 person jury has been empaneled in Chicago, that jury will likely see the grainy video showing the alleged acts. One problem for the prosecution, both R. Kelly and the alleged victim deny that the video shows them in action. Obviously the prosecutor believes he can carry the burden of proof despite this. Some think the race of the jury box will be significant. Of the 12 jurors, there are 4 African-Americans and 8 Caucasians. From R. Kelly's perspective, the small facts that have leaked out about the jurors are mixed.

A-A1: 40 yr old male chef
A-A2: 50 yr old male "Christian"
A-A3: Late 20's female teacher's aide
A-A4: 40 yr old female married to pastor, lives in R. Kelly's neighborhood
C1: 40 yr old man
C2: 20+ yr old female criminal justice major familiar with R. Kelly's music
C3: 30 yr old male compliance officer
C4: executive and father of 2
C5: man who's seen the video at issue
C6: male college grad recently arrested for marijuana
C7: 68 yr old Romanian-American describes himself as "not the smartest.."
C8: A young woman who was once raped

Despite all the attorney wrangling, one can never be certain about how a jury will respond, no matter how well the peremptory challenges went. Race does not determine the direction of the verdict, but recently it has appeared that way in high profile trials. The jury that acquitted O.J. was comprised of 8 blacks, 2 Hispanics, 1 half-Caucasian, half Native American, and 1 Caucasian female. The jury that acquitted the L.A. police officers in the Rodney King beating had 10 whites, 1 Latino and 1 Asian. For R. Kelly, race is not a central tenet of the trial, but rather one's values. R. Kelly has been rumored to been with underage girls before, most notably a marriage to Aaliyah when she was 15. Kelly's biggest concern is whether those jurors with children, who work with children, or who describe themselves as religious, will be able to see an innocent man behind the sexed up persona of R. Kelly.

Giambi's Whaletail

Word that Giambi and the fellas pass around a thong to bust up slumps is slightly disturbing. No word yet on Steinbrenner's take, certainly the man who requires his ballplayers to be shaven and shorn is cool with lingerie. I'm guessing as long as they hit, they win, and the Boss is happy, no matter what's under the pinstripes. Baseball players have always been a quirky bunch, so their choice of undergarments should come as no surprise. Imaging one's lawyer or broker slipping on a thong to help focus with a big decision is another story.

Your reputation precedes you

Certain positions in college football at certain programs carry an aura of greatness with them. Recently Southern Cal QB’s and Miami safeties come to mind. The men of “Linebacker U,” and “Quarterback U, ruled the 80’s, as did the great running backs for Southern Cal in the 60’s. However, there are also programs with a position that always seems to produce Saturday stars, that fail to transition to successful professionals. At times, this can develop into stigma for the school, one that gives draft gurus and GM's cold feet come April.

Penn State – RB’s: In 1987 D.J. Dozier was selected 14th by the Vikings. Starring in baseball as well, Dozier could not handle big league pitching, as evidenced by his career average south of the Mendoza line. Dozier did little on the gridiron as well and began a string a disappointing Nittany Lion backs. Drafted #2 in the 1990 Draft Blair Thomas only managed 5 TD's in 4 seasons. The legacy was solidified when Ki-Jana Carter went #1 in 1995 and immediately tore his ACL, effectively ending his career. Again in 1998 Penn State had a star back go early when Curtis Enis went #5 to the Bears. Enis was out of the league in 3 years after 4 touchdowns. With one exception of late, Larry Johnson and 3 time Pro Bowler Curt Warner of yesteryear, perhaps the PSU stigma is more coincidence than reality.

Florida – WR’s: Once the 1996 Sugar Bowl legitimized Spurrier's Fun-n-Gun, the Gator wide receivers started filling up the NFL in bunches. The success of the group is mixed, as one can see: In 1997, Ike Hilliard went 7th and Reidel Anthony was taken 16th. Ike's 27 touchdowns over 7 years for the Giants is under top ten value, and Reidel was largely quiet in only 5 seasons. The next year Jacquez Green went 34th and managed a 7 touchdown career. In 2000 Travis Taylor was drafted 10th by the Ravens and was released in year four. Taylor has been able to resurrect his career, but the damage is done. A string of players who ran up accolades and numbers failed to transition to similar NFL glory. Since Taylor, Florida WR's have improved. Drafted 70 picks later in 2000, Darrel Jackson has been a star for the Seahawks. In 2002 Jabar Gaffney went 33rd and Reche Caldwell went 48th, each has had moderate success. More recently, Chad Jackson has been an injury disappointment after going 36th in 2006 and Dallas Baker and Kelvin Kight remain on the fringes of the league. In the most recent draft, Andre Caldwell went to the Bengals at 97th. His low valuation is hard to gauge due to his injury history, but a more telling Gator will be Percy Harvin next year.


FSU – D Line/ LBs: Ever since Mickey Andrews started turning them loose in his attack D, FSU has produced numerous All-Americans. The no read, just attack scheme produces big plays for these college stars, but sometimes leaves them one-dimensional in the League. FSU has produced some Pro Bowlers, but a few duds as well. Jamal Reynolds won the Lombardi and was picked 10th, in 1991, only to be released 3 years later. In 1995 Derrick Alexander was taken 11th but only played 5 nondescript years before retiring. In 1997 LB Reinard Wilson was taken 14th by the Bengals and managed a decent career for 7 seasons, but never dominated after his All-American senior year. Andre Wadsworth was taken 3rd in 1998 but managed only 8 sacks before bad knees led to him being released by the Cardinals in 2000. Corey Simon was picked 6th in 2000 after a big college career. Initially he had a few good years for the Eagles, and a great 2005 for the Colts, but is now retired. (On the bubble: Broderick Bunkley, drafted 14th in 2006, had a poor rookie season and good sophomore year. Kamerion Wimbley, picked 13th in 2006, good start, lackluster season season.(Exceptions: Derrick Brooks, Peter Boulware, Marvin Jones, Ernie Sims, Darnell Dockett in 2004 might have been a victim to this up and down Seminole defensive success in the NFL. Dockett lasted until the 3rd round despite setting an FSU for career tackles for losses. Earning a trip to the Pro Bowl in 2007 gave some credence to Dockett's being undervalued.Spurrier’s penchant for making WR’s play above themselves is even more apparent when one considers his two Gamecock underachievers in Troy Williamson and Sidney Rice. Williamson has consistently underachieved considerading his 7th pick status. One wonder whether this had any influence on Sidney Rice’s being taken 44th. Rice had much better college statistics than Williamson, and is three inches taller.

Tedford Qb’s – From Fresno State to Oregon, and at his current post at Cal, Tedford has consistently churned out top QB’s. Tedford tutored Dilfer at Fresno State, much maligned as the “average” guy; Dilfer has a shiny Super Bowl ring to quiet most haters. Harrington was drafted into a difficult situation in Detroit, and despite attempts to get him WR’s he never really had a chance. Being drafted 3rd ended up being an onus for Joey as the Lion’s patience eventually waned. The next year Tedford went to Cal and coached up an otherwise erratic Kyle Boller into a first rounder. Boller was drafted 19th, and over the next few years disappointed Ravens fans time and time again. The bias against Tedford QB’s became glaringly obvious in 2005 as Aaron Rogers sat through 23 picks, after having hopes on the top 10. Rogers has his chance this season to prove the trend wrong, unless Favre pulls a Pat Healy on A-Rog.

Where's the Beef?

So far two singles from The Game's summer album L.A.X. have been released, "Big Dreams," and "Pain" featuring Keisha Cole. The Game's previous two albums, The Documentary and The Doctor's Advocate, were strong statements bringing West Coast rap back to the charts after a brief hiatus. Following the tone of his first two albums, "Big Dreams," the first single off the 3rd album, takes a Cali-centric view of the the hip hop scene. The lyrics take shots a Dr. Dre, Ja Rule, and Jay Z while providing shout outs to Fat Joe, Lil Wayne and others. Always a name dropper, The Game continues this tired practice in the first two singles off L.A.X. "Pain" featuring Keisha Cole names drops the likes of Will Smith, LL Cool J, Wu Tang, Public Enemy, NWA, New Edition, Nas and others. The first verse is strange in itself, an apparent nod to the East Coast, something not heard from The Game often. Set to be released July 8, L.A.X. appears to be strong thus far.

The Game has his share of enemies. He's had once positive relationships with 50 cent and G-Unit, Dr. Dre, and Lil Eazy E turn sour. Other enemies have been made through lyrical or personal issues, most notably, Jay Z, Ja Rule and Memphis Bleek. Despite the shots taken in the first single, one wonders whether the album will be considered pacifist as compared to the Game's previous offerings. Once slightly unique for his lack of affiliations, L.A.X. has a long guestlist, an appears to signal a less combative offering.

El Fin de Semana

Trying to move up in the blogging world is a lot like a celebrity trying to earn their coveted "Q" rating. The "Q" rating is a pseudo-scientific survey measuring a celeb's general name recognition and likability by the general public. For you golfers out there, don't get confused with "Q" school, where you have to go to earn your Tour card back after you lose it. "Q" rating is a good thing in Hollywood, once you earn it, you can pretty much mail in it for a decade. It's true you have to produce good material every once in a while, just like bloggers who've gained a loyal readership. But in those long stretches between excellence, celebs keep their game by showing a little skin, whether it be a staged paparazzi shots, or Maxim appearances. Each of these "Q" nudges satisfy the public's insatiable appetite for eye candy. Bloggers know the same trick, show me a high traffic blog and I'll show you some skin. Of course there are snooty exceptions in both worlds that hold their heads above the fray, but they're no fun. Someone who is fun? MacG, approximately the Lacy Chabert of the blog world, showed me how to do all this crap. Thanks.

The Nail in the Coffin

Yesterday's announcement of support by former candidate John Edwards seals the deal for Obama. In what suspiciously looked like testing the waters for a seat as Vice-President, Edwards appeared at a rally in Michigan and praised Obama's commitment to poverty. Just when Tuesday's big win in West Virginia seemed to give Hillary a crack through which to escape, Obama wisely sealed it a day later. Edwards, despite never having a chance, and being labeled a "pretty boy" early on, was certainly the least polarizing figure among this year's Democratic triumvirate. The one thing Edwards doesn't seem to help with is Obama's apparent struggle to capture the working class Democrats. As West Va showed, Obama still has a way to go to earn the votes of white blue collar America. Edwards' platform of fighting poverty endears him to many, but little in his biography, or heard from him on the stump, will relieve Obama's blue collar deficit.

Yellow Journalism

Yesterday the Boston Herald apologized for starting the rumors of a videotape proving the Patriots had taped the Rams practices before Super Bowl XXXVI. The story turned out to be completely bogus, Matt Walsh never had such tape, and its writer, John Tomase has admitted he knew its incredulity the last 4 months. The most disturbing part of the story is the apology, or lack thereof from Tomase, the man who's article the day before the Super Bowl was rife with sensationalism. Tomase acknowledges his yellow journalism tactics, while proudly standing behind his decision to print a story he was aware was patently untrue. His apology is shocking in its audacity, he blames bullies in grade school, and ends with his head high, but integrity low,
"The days of getting picked last at recess are over. People will know my name from now on and that’s all I ever wanted. I apologize for nothing!"

Tomase's case is hardly unique, even for Boston, fraud in the media has been evidenced many times, most recently Jayson Blair making up stories for the New York Times. However, the admission comes at an interesting time for sports journalism. Since the "Costas Now" debate between Deadspin's Will Leitch and writer of "Friday Night Lights," Buzz Bissinger, the blogs have been abuzz, and "real" journalists are not taking it lying down. What is the future of sports journalism? Is there another Jim Murray out there?

Cable News Babes of the Week

Jenna Lee

Alexis Glick

Snitches on Rocky Top

Both Bruce Pearl and Phil Fulmer, have enemies in certain corners. That's what happens when you provide incriminating information about one your rivals to the NCAA. Whether upholding the integrity of the game, or simply taking shots at an opponent, the views on the actions of each are varied. In 1989, when Pearl was an assistant coach at Iowa, he was dejected to lose the recruiting battle for a star player to Illinois. Suspicious of the Fighting Illini, Pearl managed to record the boy's high school coach admitting to illegal benefits. Illinois was subsequently punished and Pearl entered career purgatory with the "snitch" label clearly affixed to his name. In 2005, Pearl found an big-time athletic director willing to look past his sneaky ways. Mike Hamilton, the A.D. at Tennessee, had already weathered a similar storm a year earlier. In January of 2004, it was revealed that Fulmer had provided the NCAA with damaging information about Alabama recruiting practices. Informant Fulmer was able to pin crimes on Bama which played a part in their stiff penalties from the NCCA in 2002. If they need a trainer, Brian Mcnamee is probably unemployed.

The Changing Face of Beauty

The pale faced beauty above is Sarah Bernhardt, the most famous actress in her day. In the Victorian Era, feminine beauty was often judged by the fairness of one's skin. Ladies wanted to appear aristocratic, and tanned skin was a sign of manual labor. As the Industrial Revolution pressed on and the laborers moved inside, the color of beauty changed. Today, the pale faced cubicle masses bear the sign of the working class.
In 2008, there is no question that tanned, golden skin is the predominant picture of modern beauty. One has to wonder if this will soon change once again. The health concerns about excessive tanning are widely known, yet it remains the desired look. The real influence in American beauty is Hollywood, and with its obsession with all things healthy and "green," one would think tans would be out. Amidst all the discussion of global warming, shrinking ozone layers, and going green, none have gone pale in protest.

Off the market

Today marks a sad day, Utah favorite, Melissa Theuriau has gone and gotten herself married.

Hello DNC, meet the BCS

On the last weekend in August, two similar institutions will be at two different stages of their season. The race for the Democratic nomination for the 2008 Presidential Election will finally conclude. At the other end of the spectrum, the college football season will begin its annual march to the Bowl Championship Series National Championship. The comparisons between the Democratic National Convention and the B.C.S. are uncanny, each maintains distinct authority despite a murky, and often flawed process.

• Both the DNC candidates, and BCS teams embark on what is really a year and a half march to ultimate victory.
• Many years the outcome is certain early on, due to the dominant performance of one program
• Other years, there are several deserving candidates, and dissent arises.
• In these years, a close call between two deserving candidates is decided by a mysterious, yet powerful entity.
• Whether it's Super Delegates, or BCS ranking algorithms, no one really understands the details.
• The delegates, much like the BCS-influencing voters, are separated into two distinct groups.
• One group is the pledged delegates/Coaches Poll, they oftentimes predetermine their stance, and practice homerism.
• The other group, unpledged delegates and AP Voters, earn their seats just by being current or former party officials. They can announce their decision early, or wait and cast a passionate vote at the end.
  
• You can have a better record in the regular season, win the head-to-head matchup, and still not be chosen as the best by a committee.
  
• Blowout victories in meaningless contests help sometimes. To illustrate, A.P. #2, Hillary is struggling, but fortunately she had a November home game Tuesday against a MEAC payout victim. It might not have mattered, but hanging a 77 on the scoreboard sure energized the fan base.
  
• The BCS committee/Super delegates don't necessarily have either of the teams/candidates best interests in mind, but rather their own larger interests
• Those interests include which team would have greater mass appeal, and which could generate the most money.
• Historically the candidates were from prosperity, but not lately. Think of Obama and Hillary as Hawaii and Boise State, each challenging for the top, something their ancestors could never have dreamed of.
• Each institution, the BCS and the DNC, will forever be decried by the disenfranchised.
  

The Most Honest Man in America?

Honesty is the most desirable trait one could be known for. For some it is elusive, for others it comes naturally. One can only get a tenuous grasp on what is honest and what is dishonest. Oftentimes, the exact moment when truth ends and fiction begins is impossible to discern. For public figures, the brand of "honest" is coveted, yet extremely difficult to attain. Given the wide range of public opinion, it is nearly impossible for the public figure to maintain a reputation for honesty. Partisan smears, disputed facts, and extensive media coverage create an atmosphere where lies abound, but true honesty does not. Each of the below gentlemen is notable in their profession for their honesty. Certain professions, journalism and politics, are constantly wrapped in an ideological debate that render liars of all. Therefore, Mr. Woodward and Mr. Powell serve as shining examples in contentious professions.

Sir Charles cuts the crap like few in recent memory. Whether he's calling out Conservatives, or labeling Star Jones a "cougar," the buck stops with Chuck.

Bob Woodward teamed with Carl Bernstein while the two worked at the Washington Post to expose the crimes of the Nixon administration. Twice, Woodward was a part of Pulitzer Prize winning work, and is regarded as the leading journalist of his time. His reputation for honesty is buffeted by the fact that he was true to his word. Unwilling the expose his source of the Watergate info, Woodward and Bernstein dubbed their man "Deep Throat," and kept their lips sealed for over 30 years. Finally in 2006 FBI man Mark Felt revealed himself. Woodward's esteem as a journalist, and keeping his word despite considerable pressures, makes him one of the most honest men in America.

Colin Powell is one the most highly regarded public servants in the last 20 years. The former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and former Secretary of State built a career on integrity. Powell's reputation suffered in 2003 when he was tasked by the White House to address the United Nations Security Council on the case for a second Iraq war. Once it became clear that much of the intelligence was faulty, many wondered whether Powell was complicit in the shady practices of W's tight inner circle. Powell's later admission that the incident was "a blot," on his reputation only reinforces the initial perception of integrity. One will rarely find a more powerful man, so honest.

Ed Hochuli is widely known as one the better officials in the NFL. Admired for his guns, respected for his calls, Hochuli has been named in Best Lawyers of America, every year since 2003. In the NFL's grade system, officials are rewarded postseason assignments based on their merit. Hochuli's work in 2 Super Bowls and numerous playoff games speaks for itself. Respected by players, and partner in a successful law firm, a lot of people trust Ed Hochuli.

Silence please

Watching the NBA playoffs the last month, one thing has struck me, more than the brilliance of CP3, more than Lebron's nastiness, was something I heard. The ball crosses midcourt, the point guard raises his arm, and Queen starts to rock us? It's absurd to hear pop music streaming from the stadium speakers amidst the drama of playoff competition. The fan is being robbed of the true experience of going to the game in person. Instead of sharp sneaker shrieks, bellowing grunts, and bellicose fans, one hears Avril Lavinge or J.T. croon about teen angst. Finally last night David Stern came to his senses, and called for a review of the entertainment standards at league arenas. This comes after the special effects related delay in New Orleans, and Ben Wallace's complaints about firework smoke. The fans pay top dollar to be entertained for a few hours, in addition to basketball, many enjoy dancing, music and theatrics. However, there needs to be a separation between novelties and the game. When the ball's in play, let us hear bodies in motion, not stadium anthems or pop hits. Imagining Bob Cousy twist his way through opposing defenses while Bill Haley's "Rock Around the Clock," rocks through the stadium speakers would be fitting, and not cheapen the moment. However popular culture is not always memorable, and it certainly would not have been fitting for Bird and Magic to face off to the sounds of Karma Chameleon. Can the arena jams.

The GOP's Silver Bullet

John McCain's pick for a Vice-President has been the subject of much debate lately. Numerous names have been bantered about, but few seem able to bring more to the table than Condi Rice. Her presence on the ticket immediately negates, to a point, the diversity advantage the Democratic Party expected with either Obama or Hillary as the nominee. She is not without her downsides. Rice would carry the stains of the Bush Administration into autumn, and provide fresh enthusiasm to the Obama-inspired mantra of change, "Yes we can!" Also, she would be of little help to McCain's admitted economic naiveté. Despite her baggage, none can dispute her impressive resume; National Security Advisor, Secretary of State, and most important to the McCain campaign, regular church attendance. Despite denials as recently as early April, Condi would provide McCain with intangible assets, and high level experience. We will have to see.

A Bevy of Blondes

Farrah Fawcett getting low in her Forrest Gump kicks

Blog-o-sphere crush of the month, Samantha Steele

Self-shooter of the week, Brooklyn Decker, from SI.com

Hip Hop Machismo

The gentleman in the above picture unfortunately represents many of the stereotypes, unfounded and concrete, associated with Hip Hop music and culture. To the hip hop uninitiated, i.e. corporate media and your parents, the picture likely sums up all of their fears in one neat 8x12 frame. The ostentatious display of money, guns, and gadgets evokes images of hustling, violence, and materialism. Sadly, the floppy disks as bling only reinforce the digital divide for minorities. The young man certainly provides fodder to the debate whether life imitates art, or vice versa. Is he posing because he's a thug? Or he is imitating pictures seen in countless album liners, such as The Game's 2005 "The Documentary" seen below?
These images reinforce these negative stereotypes and strip rap from its rightful appreciation as urban poetry. The thug image sells just as well as sex does these days, and that's why photos of young, tatted men with guns proliferate. The reality is that while much of rap speaks to the truth of hard living in urban America, it appears that there is a flipside. One cannot argue that much of the fronting, boasting and beefing is more about image and record sales and less about life. The Game, previously known as Jayceon Taylor, is seen above in his kitchen with an AK-47 and a box of Smacks. Before his hip hop career took off, he was the loser on "The Dating Game" sometime in the 90's. Not meaning to mock one's lamest moments, the picture serves to illustrate what the rest of America could learn from hip hop. These aren't individuals one should fear, but rather try to understand.

Just as Stanley Kowalski from "A Streetcar Named Desire" was an angry, scared, and sensitive man, trapped by the shortcomings of his upbringing, the same can be said for many rappers. Marshall Mathers, better known as Eminem, has shared his stories of childhood struggle, from parental drug abuse, to claims of Munchausen Syndrome. Eminem's vicious rants against his sometime wife Kim echo the words Tennessee Williams penned for Stanley. Each exhibits a personal turmoil that bubbles over in cruel diatribe towards others.

Next time you see a rapper flexing and preening in order to convey maximum "alpha male," think 50 all the time, remember what the former NBAer and openly gay John Amaechi had to say about locker rooms:
"The NBA locker room was the most flamboyant place I'd ever been. Guys flaunted their perfect bodies. They bragged about sexual exploits. They primped in front of the mirror, applying cologne and hair gel by the bucketful. They tried on each other's $10,000 suits, admired each other's rings and necklaces. It was an intense camaraderie that felt completely natural to them. Surveying the room, I couldn't help chuckling to myself: And I'm the gay one."

Taken in 2006, the photo of Lil Wayne and Baby apparently kissing near the lips, created an uproar in hip hop. As the below article explains, sexuality and the machismo are on a collision course.

"No Homo"

The one thing Oklahoma and the Philippines have in common

This poorly-scanned map provides a different perspective to our current economic crisis. The specifics are less important than the big picture: the question arises, how the hell is our economy in trouble right now? The map shows an enormous economic monster that features booming markets from coast to coast. Tennessee sells enough Jack Daniels to keep up with Saudi Arabia? Texas matching Canada, Russia equal to New Jersey? On the latter I have to suspect the absence of, and impossibility of, calculating the black market GDP, brings Putin's boys down. However, if you believe in the glamorization and embellishment of the Sopranos, then maybe Jersey could keep up. The text reads: "On this map, the name of each U.S. state is replaced by a country whose G.D.P. equals approximately that U.S. state's gross state product. The U.S. economy is as large as the next four-largest economies in the world-Japan, Germany, China and the U.K.- combined." I received this map in the postal mail several months back, so I cannot be sure of its source or complete accuracy. One would also think China's rapid growth makes the final claim uncertain. The devil is not in the details but rather, the grand scheme. It is not our economic capability that is causing problems today, but rather, the narrow channels of capital distribution, and institutional lending practices in the mold of Shylock.

Granola Games

Once reserved to the West Coast and college campuses, the hippie has descended upon mainstream America. Oftentimes seen in the prone position, these crunchy, groovy folk get sporty sometimes. Here are the top ways wookies break a sweat, other than at a "Cheese" show.



1) More than anything, hippies love to dance. While technically not a sport, the reality that ballroom dancing is an Olympic sport, makes the case. Often times referred to as "noodling," this dancing can be described as flailing one's arms about, while doing the Axl Rose slither.

2) One of the many times hippies gather in a circle; hacky-sack games usually feature a dreaded guy, and at least one ex-soccer washout. Beloved for its simplicity, and opportunity for individual artistry, if you smell patchouli, you can find a hacky-sack.

3) Bereft of the dress code and etiquette of real golf, disc golf offers the hippie the chance for a beautiful walk unspoiled by a white ball. Advanced discheads carry a driver, fairway and greens discs, along with usual accoutrements favored by the granola crowd.

4) Hippies love to hike, whether it's to the next show, or to the campsite. Not necessarily in a competitive fashion, hippies often take their time strolling through nature appreciating God's green earth.
5) Come upon a gathering of these sorts and you are certain to find a poorly dressed chick hula hooping. Not just dancing with tube around your waist, it is a beautiful form of self-expression. If you believe that, you crunch with the best of them.

6) Ultimate Frisbee nearly misses the leafy-ness needed for this list, but its ubiquity on college campuses stamps it, hippie-approved. More aggressive, and needing teamwork, unlike many of these solitary pursuits, Ultimate is for the alpha hippie.

When Old School beats New School

Sometimes change is good, sometimes it's a step backwards. The following college teams, in no particular order were better off with the old look on the right.

The old school stripes on Vinny's jersey harken to the days when the "U" was too legit to quit. Once foolishly advised to drop its program, the Canes restored the luster, only to lose it again. Bringing back the traditional stripes would be a step in the right direction.
If Syracuse intended to take it's orange and shade it closer to sweet potatoes, mission accomplished. Numbers on the helmet might be an improvement, but having a dog pick the hue was a no-no.
BYU has had several recent incarnations, but most recently a traditional approach in dark blue and white. This look is classic, yet so classic they look like Penn State from straight on. The Steve Young era lighter blue would be a better, and more unique fit.
Pitt took the curlicue script from Marino's days and turned it into a gothic font in all caps. Possibly more menacing, but hardly a logo one wants on the breast of their golf shirt. The lighter shades of blue and gold from the 70's are more pleasing on the eye.
Two years ago Florida unveiled their uniforms from the 50's for the Alabama game. The biggest improvement was replacing the cursive Gators and orange helmet, for a white one with block "F." Don't agree? Take a look at this Wolverines' photo evidence. The Roman stripes over the shoulder make this a look the Gators never should have left.

The Whiz previously wondered if I'd forgotten Oregon. Surely not an oversight, they are just in their own league.

Blogging and Jogging

Each of these activities is a creature of the modern society. Before the Industrial Revolution, man was fit from his daily chores he had to accomplish, to survive. Once the automated society really took off in the 60’s, man never again had to break a sweat in the preparation of his daily meals. According to Anchorman, jahgging emerged as a fitness fad sometime in the 70’s. It is doubtful anyone really “invented it,” it just became necessary mammalian exercise. The same can be said a blogging. Homosapiens is just a fancy way of saying upright walking animal. While it’s true, we ain’t nothing but mammals, we do happen to be a social species. Once raised by a village, we are now inured to the reality of a loneliness. Blogging is merely digital banter and discussion once reserved to the stoop or porch. Reaching further back, one can imagine the hunter-gatherer societies of early man and predict who would be the bloggers. The hunters are the adrenaline junkies of today, that have to jog to exercise their animalistic restlessness. Bloggers are gatherers by nature, only no longer do we collect berries, but rather WAGs.

Rubber Euphemisms

A legend passed too early

Rest in Peace Bob Marley, February 6, 1945 – May 11, 1981

Commercial Babes

Every so often the monotony of commercials is broken by a stunner schilling a product you could care less about. The spokesladies for RGX, and Overstock have been a Utah favorite for years. Usually car commercials are unbearable, and these two are hardly different, but excellent casting makes for 60 seconds of muted bliss. The gal in Yellowbook ad doesn't strike one at first, but after viewing her work, you can see she knows a good role when she sees it. No matter how hard we try, we'll never beat Brazil at selling sex.

Rachel Specter for RGX Body Spray

Sabine Ehrenfeld for Overstock.com

Jill Wagner for Mercury

Kate Walsh for Cadillac

Tamar Kagan for YellowPages

Yellow Book has two ads, that after much internet perusing, remain elusive. The beauty above has tentatively determined to be Blanca Soto, but without video evidence it is hard to be sure. Sadly, Ms. Awesome Tank-top remains unnamed and unseen.

Tent City, It's Dark and Hell is Hot

Yesterday former rapper, DMX, previously known as Earl Simmons, was arrested at his home in Arizona on animal cruelty and drug charges. Booked by the Maricopa County, Sheriff's Office, DMX could not have chosen a worse jurisdiction than Maricopa. Ruled by the iron fist of Sheriff Joe Arpaio, the Maricopa's Sheriff's Office is known as the toughest in the U.S. Dismayed by the number of releases due to bed shortages, Sheriff Arpaio erected "Tent City," where overflow inmates would be housed under the Arizona sun. Many laud his efforts to pull no punches in the fight against crime, while others accuse him of grandstanding, and abuse of power.

As expected, Sheriff Joe takes a hard line on immigration debate. With some creative law interpretation, he and the Arizona State Attorney's Office have begun enforcing state and federal immigration laws strictly. Many see this as a blatant overstepping of police bounds; using county officers to enforce federal laws goes to the heart of federal system. Lou Dobbs and CNN praise him for his 500+ arrests as making a difference. Hardly a drop in the bucket, Sheriff Joe seems to be more Desert Napoleon, and less of a crusader against crime. Moreover, he has come under controversy for making inmates wear pick underwear, re-instituting the chain gang, and being the source of numerous lawsuits for his tough tactics. You'd think an ex-felon, and general rabble rouser like DMX, would avoid Maricopa when settling down to a lifetime of Xanax bars and blunts. I have a hunch he's not much into research; as of March, 2008, he'd never heard of Barack Obama.

First Bride Jenna Bush

"Utah! Get me two!"

Tomorrow marks Jenna Bush's wedding in Crawford, Texas. Her beau is Henry Hager, a Richmond, Virginia native and recent MBA grad from UVA. As the Bush era winds down it might be a long time before we see a White House occupied by two pretty daughters. Jenna and Barbara Bush endured a good deal of unfair criticism; the fake id's, frequent partying, and unflattering photos.

The last White House beaut, Tricia Nixon

In the 2008 race, our best chance to get an attractive first daughter is McCain's daughter, Meghan. Obama's daughters are too young, 7, and 10. And we've already had 8 years of Chelsea.

The Ugliest Uniforms in College Football

1) Tennessee's all orange is horrific. Apparently the Vols didn't get the memo to enjoy all things in moderation.

2) The Akron Zips suffer from the same malady as many of their MAC counterparts, an uninspiring color scheme set against muddled graphics. Light gold and navy blue is perhaps the most overwrought scheme in college uni's, but the crappy graphics put this one over the top.

3) West Virginia's yellow ensemble. Along the lines of the Vols, the Mountaineers allow themselves too much of good thing. Did the same guy who designed the WV helmet logo also do Va. Tech?
4) Despite an otherwise agreeable look, dark green over gold is palatable, the UAB Blazers feature the worst helmet in D-I football. The dragon looks as if he's puking up a mai tai, ruining a decent color scheme.
5) Maryland's uniform's are a problem, in that if you took the "Terps" off the helmet, they would be an unrecognizable school. Their uniforms are designed by Under Armor, which might explain the excessive piping and odd side panels. Too much going on, and fails to register a signature look.
6) Iowa State's uniforms look like the default uni on those design-your-own programs for football video games. The colors, yellow, white and red are a generic panoply that fail to inspire. I am aware that Ames, Iowa is probably not the flashiest place, but a little tweaking of the Cyclones uni's would go a long way to making Gene's recruiting job easier.
7) Toledo sports the acceptable blue and yellow combination, yet makes this list for the Calvin and Hobbes-like rocket ship on their helmets.
8) When a color-blind retiree heads out to the grocery store in an orange hat, with a purple shirt and purple shorts, it's just another day in Florida. When a college football team adopts this scheme, you know the fanaticism has exceeded all bounds of reality.
9) Bowling Green makes the list for its unique ability to mix a poor helmet logo with colors only a Hokie could love. Unable to capture brown and orange like the Cleveland Browns, BG simply looks like the leftover bin from the 70's.
10) Maybe it's the silly shoulder stripes, or the copied NFL Cardinals logo. Or maybe it's the fact they let their stadium be named after a pizza franchise, but I can't let this list go without including Louisville. Unoriginal and uninspiring, the Cards stick with a safe color scheme, but take it nowhere.

Solar Moments

Taurean Charles, Year of the Bull

Year of the Bull, released in 2003, is a compelling documentary following the senior season of Taurean Charles at Miami Northwestern High School. Set in Liberty City, the story reveals a tale of a talented young man facing compelling odds. Taurean lost his father to a heart attack before his teenage years and, while he does have a supportive home, his teachers and coaches often negatively reinforce poor habits. He is allowed to flail in a troubled school setting; failing the SAT several times. His coaches, the only male figures in his life, repeatedly rile his fragile teenage emotions, while providing poor examples of leadership. The film ends on a high note as Taurean manages to earn himself a scholarship to Florida in 2003.

Viewed as a budding star, the dream comes to an end in the summer of 2004. While at an off-campus keg party, Taurean, in a rage of violence, punched a student, threw him off a deck, and then, threw a half keg at him. Taurean maintained his innocence, and was somewhat vindicated when the most serious charges were dropped. However it was too late, Taurean already had an on campus assault charge on his record; dismissed from the team, he enrolls at Bethune-Cookman and manages to salvage his career with a respectable junior season. A lackluster senior campaign left him undrafted, unsigned, and presumably out of football. After viewing the movie and reflecting on his life since, one cannot help but be saddened by the circumstances. This is the not story of a young man bent on destruction and rebellion. It is the story of a high school football player who saw testosterone fueled coaches as male role models, who felt pressures beyond the control of a 17 year old, and who was never taught to channel and control emotions. Many scenes throughout the film give rise to the appearance that his coaches were a win-at-all-costs type. This presumption was vindicated in 2006 when it was revealed coaches, teachers, and the Principal, kept a statutory rape accusation against the star tailback under wraps until after the State championship had been won.

Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing.

Albert Schweitzer

The Thin Line Between Freedom Fighter and Terrorist

John Brown, pictured above in 1846, was born in Connecticut in 1800 and lived for 59 years until he was executed. Brown was an abolitionist, dedicated to the cause of freeing slaves and ending the institution of involuntary servitude in America. Unlike other more celebrated abolitionists, Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglass, William Lloyd Garrison, to name a few, the legacy of John Brown is unheralded. What distinguishes Brown, from others sharing his same passion, was the violent means he sought to end slavery. He is most famous for two incidents, Pottawatomie, Kansas, and the raid on the federal arsenal in Harper's Valley, Virginia. By modern definitions, Brown was the first domestic "terrorist". In the "Pottowatomie Massacre, Brown killed 5 white Southerners over settlement issues. When lawmakers admitted Kansas as a state, it was stipulated that their stance on slavery would be decided by popular sovereignty. This turned out to be a disaster that gave rise to the term, "Bleeding Kansas," to describe the skirmishes between anti-slavery advocates like Brown and pro-slavery supporters.

The raid on the federal arsenal in Harper's Valley, VA.

Brown's hell raising in Kansas would not be his defining moment. In 1859 as the country was teetering on the brink of separation, his raid on the federal arsenal in Harper's Ferry, Virginia was the final straw. Following months of planning, Brown and 19 men managed to gain control of the arsenal with intentions of arming slaves across the countryside and leading a revolt. Captured by a contingent of U.S. Marines led by Robert E. Lee, Brown's dream was quickly extinguished.

Nat Turner's Rebellion

Brown was not the first one to attempt to arms slaves in revolt, nor was he the most successful, in the terms often measured by martyrs. In August of 1831 in Southampton, Virginia, Nat Turner led 50 slaves on a 2 day spree that saw 56 white men, women and children die. Nat's case is slightly different in that he was a slave, it was his own freedom that was worth dying for. Brown is a curious figure in that regard, a free white man, so passionate about the liberation of slaves, that he was willing to make war.His legacy as an abolitionist is difficult to judge. His cause cannot be doubted, but his methods are troubling. He is a freedom fighter for giving his life to a cause, for not waiting for political machinations to free a race from bondage. Yet he is a terrorist for his unwarranted attack on American military installments. This leaves us with a Machiavellian question, does the end justify the means?

Two fake movie products I want to buy

Both Sex Panther, and the Jump to Conclusions Map, have practical uses for the everyday man. Trouble with loitering teenagers? Trespassers? Dabble a little Sex Panther on the premises and watch the deterrent power. For the younger set, the Jump to Conclusions map presents a drinking game with unlimited opportunities.

If it smells like a turd covered in burnt hair, you know it's good.

"That's the worst idea I've heard in my lifetime."

Making the most of it

Jason Sehorn has Johnny Utah green with envy. Not only does he summon the Uncle Rico, in every average-sized white male, he's wed 2 beauties. Sehorn starred at U.S.C., and then gave the Giants 3 years of respectable service, highlighted by a 1997 Super Bowl appearance. His next season was ended early by a knee injury, robbing him of his unique asset, Caucasian wheels. Also in 1998 he wed Whitney Casey, a union that lasted a year. Despite the brevity, Sehorn deserves props for scoring a cable news babe, another source of green for Utah.
Despite a flagging career, and no luck in love, Sehorn showed his resiliency by snaring the uber-hot Angie Harmon in 2000. Add that to the cush job as a panelist on Fox Sports Net, and you have Jason Sehorn living the Johnny Utah dream.

More Self Shots

Daniella Sarahyba

Evidently self-shots have evolved from the domain of teens at home, to the glory of supermodels in luxury hotel rooms. Photos from SI's 2008 Swimsuit Issue.

Marisa Miller

While thrilling, the images above fail the capture the award for "best self-shot." Taking home the top prize is NASA astronaut, Clayton Anderson.

Doctors pushing products that harm

The Florida Bar imposes strict requirements and limitations on lawyer advertising. Attorney advertising is a contentious issue in many legal circles; some see the ads as commercial speech, others view them as tacky, and tasteless attempts to drum up business from another's misfortune. One thing is clear about all mediums of advertising for attorneys, the Florida Bar routinely reigns in slogans that fringe on guaranteeing satisfaction or gain. I am unfamiliar with the rules regarding advertising in regards to doctors, but certain that the Camel pitch seen above would draw frowns from the A.M.A. Less clear, is the ethics regarding doctors pitching weight loss pills. My chief beef is the smarmy "Dr." John Marshall in the Hydroxycut ads. Why a well funded company would need to use a rookie straight out of med school for their pitchman is beyond me. Is he the only one willing to sell out? Or did scouts find him in class and liked his bone structure? Either way, it is disturbing that doctors can put their name and license behind a product that is not F.D.A. approved. One wishes there was a section of the Hippocratic Oath stating: "I shall not engage in advertising practices in regard to healthcare products that feature exaggerated claims or misleading advice." Proactol's medical squad looks rather quack-tastic.

VE Day

Today marks the 63^rd anniversary of Victory in Europe Day, (VE Day) that marked the close of one front of WWII. The allied forces led by Britain and the U.S. accepted the Nazi surrender in Berlin, which set off joyous celebrations across the globe.

Today VE Day is celebrated by France, the U.S., Britain and others as a moment to reflect on the tremendous sacrifice borne by each country to stop the genocide and fascism that threatened the world. Many consider this the landmark event that closed the bloody history of the second Great War. However, it is often overlooked that 4 months remained in the front with Japan, and the bloodiest episode in human warfare had not yet taken place. The reasons for the overshadowing are likely numerous, but the notoriety of Hitler and the end of the Holocaust are paramount. However despite the glorious celebration VE Day deserves, the day only marks liberation on one continent. In January of 1945 as Soviet troops were reaching the Nazi camps like Auschwitz, a world away in California, some Japanese-Americans remained in internment camps. Although, on January 2, 1945, the Presidential exclusion order was rescinded entirely, the Supreme Court did not rule the process unconstitutional until 1944. The lesson is painful, one can reach out in the spirit of good to help another, yet must not forget about the health of self.

For Japanese-Americans the memories are painful thrice fold; the horror of the attacks on Pearl Harbor, the ensuing internment camps, and the pain of Hiroshima, and Nagasaki. Each event giving rise to a different emotion, Japanese-Americans faced these tragedies with fortitude and resilience.

Snitching in Paradise

The snitch, a particularly unsavory character in the ever present battle against crime, is usually imagined as inhabiting the scene above. Shot in Harlem in 1980, the bleak landscape paints a vivid picture of grime and guile. This week, news of the San Diego State drug bust brought a new scene in the travails of snitch-work.
This exquisite campus was the scene of a snitching that would make Sammy the Bull blush. Excerpted from the linked article above, "Students who had gotten caught for fighting, drinking, minor drug offenses or other crimes quickly turned informants and used text messages to introduce their drug dealers to undercover agents." Obie Trice would not approve.

Goddesses in Green

Beyonce Knowles

Elizabeth Hurley

Katie Holmes

Angelina Jolie

"I take one of ya chics straight from under ya arm pit, the black Brad Pitt."

N.W.A. and Nirvana

Twenty years ago N.W.A., the hip hop group composed of Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, Easy E, MC Ren, and D.J. Yella released their groundbreaking album, "Straight Outta Compton." For those in the alt-rock world, N.W.A. produced a genre defining work that revolutionized the industry, much like Nirvana's "Nevermind" in 1991. The similarities continue in the mixed bag of tragedy and triumph that followed the individuals in their lives since.

Eazy E: A lifetime Crip, Eazy was a "businessman"(read: drug dealer), and the guiding hand in forming the group. A successful rapper in his own right, he managed to have a double platinum solo album while contributing to a string of N.W.A. hits Always combative, and often accused of scheming with management, Eazy faced a series of lawsuits over the departure of Dr. Dre. By March of 1995 he was diagnosed with AIDS and passed by the end of the month.

Dr. Dre: Arguably the most successful post N.W.A. career, Dre released two "solo" albums that continue to reverberate today. His production has been amongst the elite from the days of Deathrow Records to his current standing as CEO of Aftermath Entertainment. His final album "Detox," is expected this year. Able to manage the ups and downs of the industry, Dr. Dre is the Warren Buffet of hip hop, each selectively pick winners while avoiding the static beneath them.

Ice Cube: The solo career of Cube proves that the pen is mightier than the sword. Credited with writing much of the N.W.A. material, that same raw talent exists 20 years later. Master of several successful albums, even more collaborations, and recently a box office star, Ice Cube possess more talent in his pinky than most do in their body.

MC Ren: Joining N.W.A. straight outta high school, Ren has had a quieter career than some of his peers. His first solo album went platinum, but each offering thereafter was greeted with less enthusiasm and subsequently things quieted down. Appearing for a few verses for Public Enemy, Cube and Dr Dre since 2000, Ren seems to have ended his career in 2006.

DJ Yella: The only other to stick with Eazy after the Dr. Dre split, Yella's career effectively ended upon Eazy's death. Recently he has resurfaced with this NSFW career.



1991 saw the arrival of Nirvana, and the departure of Whitesnake, Winger, Warrant, and all the other terrible bands of the 80's that don't begin with W. Comprised of Kurt Cobain, Krist Novoselic, and Dave Grohl, Nirvana wailed away with a previously unheard of passion. Not limited to high energy anthems, their Unplugged session demonstrated the depth of their musicianship. Just as they changed the game like N.W.A., they are tale of tragedy and triumph as well.

Kurt Cobain: Unable to cope with the pressures of stardom, the temptations of narcotics, and his own sadness, Kurt took his own life in 1994.

Krist Novoselic: Dabbling in music periodically, the former bassist has found his passion in politics. He chairs the board of FairVote, a group dedicated to election reform. He also founded JAMPAC to encourage music support and funding for youth. In 2004 he wrote a book, "Of Grunge and Government: Let's Fix This Broken Democracy." Rumors have swirled about running for various Washington state offices, Krist will likely be heard from again.

Dave Grohl: From grunge percussionist, to Foo Fighters guitar, and lead vocals, Grohl is an immense muscial talent. The Foo Fighters remain a staple of MTV rock, and continue to write new material. Grohl's ability to drum and strum in 2 world-class bands, sets him apart from most of his peers.

What is it with these self-pics?

With the advent of cheap digital technology, the "self-shot," is a recent phenomena. If you have a Myspace or Facebook account you've seen them in bunches. Each gender has their own twist, but the ubiquitous outstretched arm remains a constant. Self pics are favored by hot chicks in revealing clothes, and chubby ones craftily using concealing angles. The male variety is most often a flexing toolbag, who rightfully belongs here. The trend is a curious one, certainly spurned by the proliferation of digital cameras, it is also undoubtedly tied to narcissism and sexuality in our culture. Is it art? Self-expression? Or 21st century flirting? Either way, certain issues remain a concern for lawmakers and parents alike. Snap away America, beauty is fleeting.

What do a Trekkie and the Coach of Da Bears have in common?

The beautiful Jeri Ryan seen above had a role on Star Trek, but more importantly she was once married to Jack Ryan. Ryan was a Goldman Sachs genius with an MBA and JD from Harvard. He cashed out and eventually ran for Illinois Senate in 2004. Unfortunately for him, his divorce records from 1998 contained seedy stories of a sexual deviant. In March of 2004 he handily won the Illinois Senate Republican Primary and looked to be a formidable opponent with deep pockets. On June 21, a court order unsealed the divorce files and Ryan's campaign was sunk.
In a bind, with little time to spare, the Illinois Republican Party turned to Mike Ditka. The former coach of the Super Bowl Shufflers was an immensely popular figure in Chicago, a local businessman, and conservative minded. Ditka mulled over, but declined the offer, leaving Alan Keyes as the last minute fill-in.
So should Obama send a little thank you card to Ms. Ryan and Ditka? In June of 2004, Barack Obama was not the juggernaut he is today. Coming off a failed bid for a seat in the House of Representatives in 2000, Obama was the clear Democratic favorite, but a relatively untested newb. He faced Ryan, a rising star himself in Illinois politics, and the reality that the Senate seat had been vacated by a Republican. Once Ryan had shot himself in the foot, he still had a hurdle to clear. One may scoff at Senator Ditka, but in a country where Jessie "The Body" Ventura, and The Terminator are governors, name recognition goes a long way in popular elections. Obama would not be in the position he is today without the platform of a Senate seat. Everyone needs some breaks along the way, let's be thanks Obama got his fortuitously, and not from the Ole' Boy's Network.

World's 12th Highest Standard of Living

The proclamation seen above, "World's Highest Standard of Living," might have been true for those in the car, but certainly not the men and women standing below. The photo was taken by Margaret Bourke, a lady who captured the Depression era across the South with stunning clarity. No matter your race, today the U.S. can only claim 12th in latest Human Development Index by the United Nations. Why 12th? For one, Nordic countries with their evenly distributed economy and healthy diets tend to dominate these type of rankings. However, it is a problem of our own creation that hampers our standard of the living the most. The U.S. has the widest rich-poor gap amongst the relatively stable, and developed countries. Call it socialist, but it's time to take a hard look at pay scales. You cannot dictate what society values, that is why the #1 NFL draft pick gets $30 million up front, while a teacher would only earn $30,000 after years of service. But you can require some reduction in the income disparity between the executives and laborers of companies that benefit from public investment. Regulations have been needed to reign capitalism in before, the laissez-faire approach of Reaganomics is no longer sufficient.

Lindsay Lohan

It's raining lawsuits at the Weather Channel

Hillary Andrews is mad, and she won't take it anymore. The juicy details are still sealed, but The Smoking Gun has some titillating tidbits.

The cable news set has to be a sexual harassment nightmare. Mix total dweebs who were President of the Audio/Visual Club in elementary school, with uptight, Type-A, hotties and you get two tickets to the gun show.

Siblings are Strange

Pictured above is "Billy Beer," brewed by former President Jimmy Carter's younger brother. In 1977, as Jimmy Carter was victorious in his unlikely Presidential campaign, the press began to get wind of his odd younger brother. Boorish and outlandish, Billy Carter soon gained considerable attention. Capitalizing on his spotlight, Billy brewed his own short-lived lager. After failing as a brewer and facing IRS fines, the sitting President's younger brother did something that, in retrospect is shocking.
Credit Billy for his sense of timing, shrewdly aware that he had only four years to capitalize on his older brother's office, his desperation became apparent. In 3 visits to Libya for negotiations, Billy and a group of business friends could have a chosen a less controversial destination than a North African, socialist, Muslim country. Not exactly like buying a flat in London, Billy registered as a foreign agent and received a $220,000 loan. Senate hearings came and went without any major fanfare and eventually the story floated away.

That is until Bill Clinton took office and the world met Roger Clinton. Bill's half brother had already placed Bill in hot water when he was arrested for cocaine possession in 1984 and spent one year in federal prison. Roger couldn't keep clean for Bill's eight years, getting a DUI in 2001. Hardly a distraction, Bill managed to get himself into a sticky situation.

As Roger and Billy have shown, siblings, while never important, can shed some light on the candidate. Obama, McCain, and Hillary each have siblings, some average Johns and Janes, some peculiar.

Barak Obama: half sister, Maya Soetoro-Ng, nothing particularly insighful.

Hillary Clinton: two younger brothers, Tony and Hugh Rodham. Hugh, received a questionable payment of $400,000 for legal services rendered in relation to Bill Clinton's federal pardons. The transaction did not break any laws, but was certainly unethical under the Rules of Professionalism for attorneys. In the spirit of Billy, in 1999, Hugh and brother Tony Rodham entered into a $118 million venture to grow and export hazelnuts from the Republic of Georgia. Turns out their hazelnut man was a political opponent of the sitting President of Georgia, a U.S. buddy. Not exactly in the Muammar al-Gaddafi league, but odd still. Youngest brother Tony has found himself the most trouble, questionable pardon badgering, fights, and back child support.

John McCain: older sister Sandy, younger brother Joe. Sandy is a breast cancer survivor, something her brother takes seriously. Joe is a dinner theatre actor, who is rumored to have made a passionate, yet ominous speech in 2002.

Border Traffic

As Rod the Bod knew full well, every picture tells a story. This image off Google Maps shows the traffic heading into the U.S., as juxtaposed to the empty lanes aimed towards Mexico.

Lookin' Fine in Yeller

Jessica Alba

Elizabeth Hurley

Kathy Ireland

Did Pete Rose see it coming?

Pete Rose was banished from baseball for life in 1989 by then commissioner, Bart Giamatti. Rose was widely believed to have bet on Reds games during his time as manager. Denying such claims, Rose remained ineligible for the Hall of Fame as baseball's most famous pariah since Shoeless Joe Jackson. After being repeatedly rebuffed in his attempts at reinstatement, Rose finally came clean in 2004. Rose fessed up to betting on the Reds, but never against them. Despite his tardy admission, Rose remains banned. One wonders what really spurned him to come clean in 2004. Rose has made no secret of his desire to manage again, and more significantly, of his desire to be in the Hall of Fame, a place he deserves to be based on statistics alone.

Maybe Charlie Hustle foresaw the current steroid saga and believed if he could clean his name first, perhaps his actions would seem tamer in due time. As a baseball insider all his life, Rose was certainly aware of the juicing in the game. He also would have been wise to the brewing storm that was certain to rain unsavory headlines on papers coast to coast. Always a calculating man, Rose knew that his sins were of a different era. By coming clean before steroids reached the front page, Rose benefits from presentism that renders his crimes forgettable, until the next Ken Burns epic. This will unlikely save his Hall candidacy, writers and fans are more offended by dishonesty than suspicious biceps.

Indiana and North Carolina

Today the Democrats of Indiana and North Carolina will cast their votes for their party's candidate this fall. While most expect Obama to take N.C., and Hillary to narrowly take Indiana, there have been too many surprises along the way to count one's chicks yet. If Obama manages to win both states, the race would effectively be over. A decisive victory in Indiana for Hillary would go a long way towards showing the super delegates she is the stronger representative in the national election.
Obama clearly has the momentum, the money, the media idolatry, and most importantly the charisma. Imagining an Obama victory, and its impact on the Democratic Party is easy. The money will continue pile up as people get caught up in the historic feel to his campaign. Obama will roll off a string of stirring speeches and embark on a series of sit-down interviews to open up about his life. Hopefully, he will pick a steady hand for his V.P. to settle the nerves of all those Midwestern farmers he typecast.
Imagining a Hillary victory, and its impact on the Democratic Party raises different concerns. Certainly financing and organization would not be issues, as Hillary has all the quantifiable tools. What she doesn't have is the intangibles. The general like-ability of Obama, his pop culture appeal, and his bandwagon supporters. Much like Tiger Woods brought people into golf who were never before golf fans, Obama has done the same for politics. One reality of this luxury for the P.G.A., is that when Tiger doesn't play, T.V. ratings plummet. If Hillary were to win, and Obama doesn't end up as her V.P., one has to wonder what would happen to his bandwagon supporters. Would they vote for Hillary? Resent Hillary for her attacks on Obama and vote for McCain? Or simply lose interest and not vote at all?

First Lady Laura Bush

Today First Lady Laura Bush made a rare public statement with political overtones. The First Lady has used her platform to promote education or women's health, yet remained quiet on wider ranging issues. Today Mrs. Bush called for Burma to accept U.S. aid after suffering catastrophic damage from a cyclone over the weekend. Under military control since 1962, the Burmese suffer from an oppressive, corrupt, and brutal junta.
This is an impressive and commendable moment in Laura Bush's tenure as First Lady. She has been quietly supportive despite an unprecedented number of personal attacks on the President in the last 8 years. Today she used her "bully pulpit" to call for an indisputable good. Rarely does one consider a First Lady to have any sort of "bully pulpit," however, the current public opinion of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue leaves her as the only affable face. Mrs. Bush is the only figure in the White House with a positive approval rating and has only days before her daughter's wedding in Crawford. Hopefully the Burmese will relent to western aid, this will at least ease disaster, but do little for a country with so many problems. According to the CIA Factbook, Burma is the world's second largest producer of illicit opium, a source country for sex trafficking, and generally a horrible place to live. Haiti is better. A sad story of colonialism, Haiti was the first Black republic to declare its independence in 1804, yet has seen nothing but turmoil for 204 years establishing it as the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Tough choice, I'd take Haiti, at least with a boat you can get to a decent country.

Cinco de Maya

On May 5, 1862, General Ignacio Zaragoza stops the French Army led by Napoleon Bonaparte. The future resident of Elba came to collect debts owed by the Mexican government. For all those anti-Francophiles, Cinco de Maya should be a day to toast their cause célèbre.

The House would have cleaned up had there been a line on this battle.

Go Cougars

A slight problem has emerged of late for my beloved high school alma mater. You see, we are the Cougars, for years known as a sleek, swift, and strong feline. Lately, it seems that the word, "cougar" has taken on a new meaning. These elder statesmen of the singles pool do have the cunning and ferocity of their namesake, therefore I cannot protest the appropriateness of this definitional usurping. In good spirit, here are some of my favorite cougars.

Catherine Bell, 39

Demi Moore, 45

Elizabeth Hurley, 42

Diane Lane, 43

Catherine Zeta-Jones, 38

No Schlitz

Schlitz Beer was founded in the 1850's by Joseph Schlitz of Milwaukee. For the next 120 years, Schlitz Brewery grew into the beer of the American working man. It's well known slogan, "The Beer that made Milwaukee famous," tied in well with its blue collar appeal.

In 1963, Schlitz Brewing introduced Schlitz Malt Liquor in 8-ounce cans bearing the stylized image of a bull. Initially targeted to the yuppie set, Schlitz had to recast their brand once it failed to take hold.
By the mid 70's the marketing schemes were clearly defined, Schlitz Beer was for the American man, the man that reads Playboy, sails, and lives in a 2 story Colonial with a picket fence. Whereas Schlitz Malt Liquor would be aimed at African-Americans.

Northwestern High School in Liberty City, Miami, Florida is one of the best football teams in the country year in, year out. They are known as "The Bulls," and their logo closely resembles Schlitz's Malt Liquor Bull.

Salma Hayek, A Great Mexican-American

Sometimes it helps to look at an issue from a different side, with a different perspective. If your issue is immigration, one must consider a litany of topics; economics, security, crime, health care, education, housing, etc. What many fail to consider is the net positive that immigration brings to our nation in terms of health and happiness.

Born in Mexico, Salma Hayek is now a naturalized U.S. citizen.

Are people really afraid of this?

Pillow Talk Politics Addendum

Previously discussed in light of Barbara Walter's admission, journalist-politician trysts test the strains of each profession's ethics. A particularly glaring example of this tension occurred last year, when Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa admitted to an affair with Telemundo anchor Mirthala Salinas. The affair not only showed Mr. Villaraigosa's infidelity, but also tainted the luster of the first Latino-American to hold the title of L.A. Mayor. Salinas' actions add another bow to the quiver of those aiming at the ivory tower of corporate media.

Probably not busting his balls in this interview.

Salinas, seen in red, is likely waiting for her "private sit-down."

American Culture is a Recycling Bin

When one thinks of the individual who has most influenced popular culture in the last 20+ years, many names come to mind. Music producers like Dr. Dre and P. Diddy shaped the sound of hip hop and opened it to the suburban masses. Pop stars from Madonna to Britney Spears set trends in fashion, style, and attitude. Actors Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson have moved from starring in blockbusters to calling the shots. Yet none of these individuals have a mullet like Billy Ray Cyrus.

That must be the reason for his sustained, yet unexplainable pop culture success for 2 decades. Billy Ray's country music career was highlighted by "Achy Breaky Heart", a honky tonk anthem that America couldn't get enough of in 1992. In large part due to the widespread appeal of "Achy Breaky Heart," line dancing saw a meteoric rise in popularity. Equally inexplicable, mullets, aka, business in the front, party in the back, also saw an early 90's resurgence. One would think that Cyrus and his Kentucky waterfall would slip quietly into VH-1 oblivion. Able to do what others had failed at previously, Billy Ray emerged post millenium as his pop culture alter-ego. Once redder than NASCAR, the new Billy Ray is none other than a metrosexual.

Looks like a gay Johnny Damon

Since 2006 Billy Ray has been co-starring on the Disney show, "Hannah Montana," with his daughter Miley as the title character. The show has been a runaway success and subsequent concert touring has been SRO only. Miley's career is red-hot with her singing and acting package making her the next pop tween turd. Billy Ray has truly conquered both abysses of American culture, country music and teen pop. When the history books characterize American music, and culture in general, for the last 20 years, you can blame Billy Ray.

Wingman

"Wingman" is a term that denotes the role one undertakes to assist a friend in the quest of the opposite sex. It is widely believed the term gained pop culture traction from 1986's "Top Gun." Which erstwhile ladies man would you prefer to wing?

Ty Webb would lead you to the cougar den, but just as likely slip out the back with a fox while you sit with this.
B.C., Before Corningstone, Ron Burgundy was a team player and would never leave a wingman hanging. In fact, Ol' Ron might even pull the midnight switcheroo if you aren't satisfied.

Ted Danson would be a tough call. Plenty of booze, likely on the cheap, but a real likelihood of settling for Kirstie Alley after sitting with Norm and Cliff for hours.

Hall of Fame Athletes and Statuatory Rape

The news this week that Roger Clemens began a relationship with country music singer Mindy McMcready when she was 15 is disturbing. Rocket sure does keep blowing 'em away; Mitchell Report, Senate Hearings, McCready, Daly's wife. Takes the luster off of winning this award.

Even more horrifying was the news that Karl Malone fathered a child with a 13 year old while he was a sophomore in college. One of the best power forwards in NBA history is certainly bigger, stronger, and faster than a 13 year old. And we thought politicians were the horny goats with creepy sexual pasts.

Weather hotties from across the pond

When one thinks of ridiculously hot weather girls, usually the mind wanders to the beauties of Latin news. Jackie Guerrido "¡Despierta América!" from Univision has been the gold standard lately. However, Sky News based in the United Kingdom has demonstrated that British weather girls can be caliente, even while reporting on another day of cloudy rain. Lisa Burke and Lucy Versamy of Sky News close the gap on Latin hottie domination in weather reporting.

Lisa Burke of Sky News

Lucy Verasamy of Sky News

Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson

145 years ago today, a mistake was made that continues to reverberate today as a defining moment in American History. On May 2, 1863 at the Battle of Chancellorsville, Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson, had craftily flanked the Union troops . After a successful assault, Jackson and others rode back to camp. In the darkness, Jackson and his men were mistaken for Union troops and were fired at, striking Stonewall with 3 bullets. Unable to get adequate and immediate medical care, Jackson languished for 8 days before passing.
The death of Stonewall Jackson was the beginning of the end for the fledgling Confederacy. Not only a brilliant tactician, Jackson was the right hand man of Robert E. Lee, Commander of the Army of Northern Virginia. Jackson's death came at the high water mark for Confederate military success in the Civil War. His death was a demoralizing blow to the Southern cause and left Lee without his most trusted soldier. The loss of Jackson would be felt when confusion and missed opportunities led to defeat at Gettysburg. It is not a stretch to say that the death of Jackson directly correlated to the subsequent Union victories. Prior to Chancellorsville, Confederate generals had consistently out-maneuvered Union leaders and enjoyed a string of early successes. Once Lee's right-hand man was lost, the Southern cause was lost as well.

Green Bikinis can do no wrong

Alessandra Ambrosio

Abigail Clancey

Denise Richards

Tyra Banks

Kristen Cavallari

Pillow Talk Politics

Barbara Walters recent admission of an ongoing affair with married Senator Edward Brooke in the 1970's is troubling. Beyond the ethics of infidelity, it is a source of concern due to the fact that objectivity in media is lost in the lust of a politician-journalist union.
Alan Greenspan, former Chair of the Federal Reserve and architect of the modern American economy was partial to ladies in the media. Greenspan and Walters once dated. In 1984 he began dating Andrea Mitchell, in 1997 they were wed by Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Mitchell has been Chief Foreign Affairs Correspondent for NBC News since November 1994.

In 2006, Campbell Brown of CNN married Dan Senor. Senor is a man of many talents and positions. He has most recently stationed at Centcom Headquarters in Qatar, where he was Director of the Coalition Information Center. Senor also regularly contributes to Fox News and serves as Administrator on the official White House forum titled, "Ask the White House."

Not inferring any improprieties or misdeeds, it just raises concerns. Surely Andrea Mitchell's work as Chief Foreign Correspondent kept her free and clear of any tangles. But how can Campbell Brown present an objective view of Iran, when her husband works for the very White House that labeled it part of the "Axis of Evil?"

The Prescience of The Graduate

Since the movie, "American Pie" in 1999, the acronym M.I.L.F. has entered the pop culture lexicon and proliferated to this day. Using Google Trends, one can see it is a popular search on lonely Friday nights. An entire fetish genre has emerged in the porn industry, in fact, the 35 to 50 year old set is the lone bright spot in an otherwise sagging industry. The sexualization of the surburban mom has taken hold in mainstream media as well, the entire cast of "Desperate Housewives," comes to mind. Rock&Roll has been pushing the hot mom for years, from Van Halen's 1984 "Hot for Teacher," to Rachel Hunter as "Stacey's Mom," more recently.
All of this brings to mind "The Graduate" starring Dustin Hoffman in 1967. Fresh out of college, Benjamin Braddock spends a listless summer living at home. He encounters Mrs. Robinson, a friend of his parents and begins an affair with the O.G. of MILFs. Ahead of its time, The Graduate, written by Charles Webb, stands alone as the beginning of MILFdom.

Katherine Ross is a stunner as Elaine Robinson.

Anne Bancroft played Mrs. Robinson

Scarlett Johansson's pearl necklace

Misguided Vigilante Justice

The kind people at NoInvaders.org have taken the perceived "immigration problem" and gathered their guns, shovels and barbwire. The website asks for reader support in submitting immigration violations, either by aliens themselves, or their employer. Pictures are posted of individuals allegedly working or living in the U.S. illegally. NoInvaders.org also runs BorderFenceProject.com which sports the tagline, "American citizens securing the border themselves..." Below is the plan for the fence, expected to cover all 1,952 miles of Mexican-American border. Looks prison-like, how come we're the ones trapped inside?

It surely doesn't look as impressive as the Great Wall of China. Covering 4ooo miles, the Great Wall was designed to keep the Mongolians and Manchurians at bay. Since we've all heard of Ghengis Kahn, we can surmise the Great Wall was overrated.
Trying to build a wall to stem the flow of immigration is like trying to dam up the ocean. You are better off trying to figure out what's making the ocean rise.
A fence is not an answer when you have an annoying neighbor in surburbia. It is equally useless between nations.